A Mortgage Lender’s “Night Before Christmas”
Twas the month before January when all through mortgage land.
We sat in anticipation of the new regulations at hand.
Our procedures and policies were drawn with fresh ink
While wondering to ourselves, what would the CFPB think?
Our staff was snuggled up with all the new changes
While visions of “what will they ask me” danced through their head in stages.
The CEO and Board were all meeting out
And were calming their nerves with some much needed Stout.
When in the mail room arose such a clatter.
That they put down their stout to see what was the matter!
The mail room delivered the notice in a flash
And we ripped it wide open and prayed it was trash!
The sweat on our brow was melting the new fallen snow.
And gave way to the stomach knots twisted below.
When what to our wondering eyes should appear
But a letter from CFPB that they would soon be here!
With compliance now notified so lively and quick,
We knew in a moment this wasn’t a trick.
More rapid than eagles we called a group meeting
And whistled and shouted and called those who were fleeing.
Now Compliance, Now Processing, Now Underwriting and Board, on Wholesale on Retail, on IT and Sales.
To the board room we gathered, and brought in some food
To start the conversation and get in the mood.
As the snow whipped outside and the hurricane inside,
We flurried and planned and pushed business aside!
We gathered and tutored and practiced our spiel
And hoped that this all was not really for real.
And then, in a twinkling I heard at the door.
The CFPB examiners and the enforcement team on tour.
They smiled and assured us this was standard procedure.
But we weren’t so sure so we called the law retriever.
They were dressed in their finest from their heads to their toes
And looked like they were tired of being on the road.
A bundle of requests they held tight in their hands
And smiled and asked us do you lend throughout the land?
They were friendly and kind and not what we expected
Yet we needed to explain our business perfected.
They laughed when we showed them our procedures and such
And said “don’t you know boiler plates are not enough?”
We want to know what you do and how you do it
Not the way others have developed and put the pen to it.
We spoke not a word, but went straight to our work,
And re-did the policies and cut through the murk.
They smiled and they pondered with a twist of their head
What is your fair lending plan? Was the question we dread
We hemmed and we hawed and showed them our maps
And they looked at the big hole and said what is that?
Why that is the land of no money and defaults
And our business plan says these are the loans we don’t want.
A wink of their eye and a twist of their head
Gave me reason to know that my old business plan was dead.
And if I just follow the rules now in place, they gave me a sign that I had nothing to dread.
So I spoke not a word and went straight back to work.
There was no way they were leaving, thinking I was a jerk.
So I sprang to my Phone and called Tammy Butler
And she gave me an advantage with just what to do.
As the examiners left and drove out of sight.
I was thankful that I picked my Consulting Company right!!
Happy Holidays to Everyone! May This Give You A Chuckle And Make You Merry!